My parents left immediately to go to the hospital and my three siblings and I stayed home.
We all just sat without any words being said. The only sound being our sniffles and sobs. It was an hour before any of us could find the urge to move.
During that hour so many thoughts and emotions were going through my mind. But a few in particular stuck out to me.
A verse that I just know God put on my heart in that time.
"The Lord gives and The Lord takes away. May the name of The Lord be praised." (Job 21:1)
Even in a time like now, where the pain cuts so deep, I can still choose joy.
No, not the emotion kind. Now is definitely a time for mourning. But the other kind of joy I talked about in previous posts.
Through all of the pain and tears, I can still choose to be joyful in remembering all the memories with him and be thankful for those times.
This past Saturday, the 22'nd, we had an early Thanksgiving lunch at my aunt's house. Even though I love being around my family I was upset with my parents that I wasn't able to go to Lubbock with my youth group that weekend. Nagging them about it quite a lot. Now, them not letting me go being something I am very thankful for.
That Saturday afternoon, (after a delicious meal I might add) I was sitting on my aunt's couch next to my grandpa. My older brother Calvin, my oldest cousin Aubrey and I were taking turns playing Slenderman on x-box.
The game Slenderman completely freaks me out, so whenever it was my turn I would scream at the top of my lungs nearly every 10 seconds. My grandpa kept laughing at me and teasing me saying how he "didn't find it very scary" (crazy, right?)
Then as it got later in the afternoon, he leaned his head back on the couch and fell asleep. Suddenly jerking his arms and accidentally hitting me whenever someone made a loud sound. Resulting in me laughing and trying not to wake him.
When it was time for us to leave that evening and I had already said my goodbyes to everyone else, I remembered that I had accidentally skipped him. I realized this after I was already headed for the door. I almost didn't go back to give him that goodbye hug because I thought I was going to see him again just a few short days later on Thanksgiving.
But, I did.
And boy am I thankful I did.
Having absolutely no idea that was the last hug I'd give him.
I probably wouldn't have looked back on those two memories only two days later, but now they are two of the last and very special moments with him.
Having our second Thanksgiving on Thursday is going to be very different without him and I know tears we'll be shed. But, I also know we will all hug eachother a little tighter that day.
All of us having been reminded this week that life is truly, truly a fragile gift. It is but a vapor; a mist. Here today and gone tomorrow (See James 4:14)
The 16 years that his vapor was apart of my life were memorable. One of the things I remember the most about my grandpa, was his concern and care for all of his grandchildren. He was always wanting to plan stuff to see all of us. Always wanting to see any recitals, games, boyscout ceremonies, school performances, anything my family and our cousin's were involved in. He would always text all of us randomly just to see what we were up to that week.
Whenever we saw him, no matter where it was or for how long, he always had to take pictures. We all teased him secretly for how many pictures he always took. Everywhere he went he brought his camera and his tripod. He would set up his camera, set the timer, and then run as fast as he could to jump in the picture with all of us.
My grandpa was a good grandpa, and I'm thankful for the 16 years I got to know him.
I don't understand why it was his time to go. I don't understand why we didn't even have any warning. It hurts. Knowing he won't be there at any more family holidays, or any of us kiddo's recitals, games, etc.
Seeing my loved ones in pain hurts. But I know that even through the "troubled waters" (See earlier post)
He is still God.
And as long as He is still God, I will choose joy.
Hug your loved ones tonight and tell them you love them.
I'm thankful for all of the sweet texts I received tonight.
Please keep my family in your prayers through this time. :)
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