Keep•Choosing•Joy: Decisions || Every Step of the Way

174 days till I am 18. Since I am almost an adult, I am facing a lot of the new challenging decisions and doubts that commonly come along with early adulthood.

The biggest one being college. The decision that I've made I have only shared with a couple people. But to come out and say it, I've decided not to go to college.

*gasp*

I know, I know, that's not how the system works..

You're supposed to go to school kindergarden through graduation then continue on with your education elsewhere in order to be accepted by society.

But frankly, I don't really care if society accepts it or not.

What I think:

Education is not bad. College is not bad. We are blessed to have so many different schools and organizations dedicated just to our learning. If I did want to go, I have endless options and oppurtunities. But it is not for everyone.

This is something I have been praying about for a very long time. The last year or so I lost my pull towards going to college. Not out of fear, lack of motivation or anything of that sort. Some things simply can't be explained except for something I feel in my heart to be right.

When I was making this decision, fear that I was going to miss out kept creeping up on me. College is such the normal thing to do that I could already hear all the comments people would make to my parents and I when they heard of my decision.

But other people's opinions don't rule my life.

No, I'm not going to sit around my house, bored out of my mind and call it a life.

I'm going to create a life. It may not include professors, classes, school events and a dorm room.. but I will be content and happy knowing that my Jesus is leading me every step of the way.

Once I made my decision the fear was still there. This time taunting me with "if you don't go, what ARE you going to do?"

No one wants to feel like a failure. But the more I prayed and asked him to help me fully trust Him, the more He worked inside of me. He's been teaching me the beauty in letting go and trusting Him.

Earlier today I was looking back at some of my old posts and I read what I had written in my post "joy in confusion"

I wrote: " I find joy and beauty in the mystery He is unfolding little by little right in front of me.

When I am scared, I only need to readjust and remember, I am not in control. I don't need to know.

For when I don't understand, I only have more reason to cling even tighter to my Jesus. To allow Him to teach me, to guide me, and to hold me through out my every move."

That's the mindset I want to keep.

I am not in control.

I will never be in control.

Not knowing what will happpen is perfectly okay.

He's got me.

So even though my next step is unknown at the moment. I serve an all knowing God that already knows my next step and the next thousand after that. Better yet, He is taking those steps WITH me. I have NO reason to fear, NO reason to doubt, and NO reason to be in control.

Psalm 56:3 says "When I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?"

People are going to make unnecessary comments to me and I can't promise they're always going to sit well with me. But I will continually pray for courage, wisdom, and a heart ready to chase after His will for my life.

I will trust that He is ALWAYS walking with me. Therefore, I will not be afraid.

I found this quote on Pinterest that I loooove.

So I'm ready to jump into whatever He has in store for me. Whether it be something big or something small. I want to spend my whole life pouring myself out to serve my Jesus and all the people He puts on my path. I want HIM to accept my life. So whether or not anyone else does is.. well, unimportant.